Hot Rod Biology

luke

i have always thought that fear is the root/basis for so much in life and the world that i don't like. and i am not only talking about my own fears but about the broad social fear. australia in an odd way, is quite proud of its fear, by this i mean the fear (much like what you have just talked about) of being good intellectually or financially. culturally we glorify the working class, strive to be middle class and are wary of the upper class. we glorify physical ability and both honour and fear the land that we inhabit.

when i think on a big scale i can see that fear creates war, prejudice and perhaps even abuse. fear makes us over indulge and plunder the earth and fellow humans. fear of not having enough, perhaps because we aren't enough and we don't know who we are... and the easiest way to deal with that is to wipe out difference and create a status quo that some how always ends up white bread.

where am i going with this... not completely sure. i do think, and this rises from and relates to our cultural practices. by this i mean our art, design, performance, music etc. - the things we create to comment on and perhaps find a release in/from all the banality of sameness that fear can create. (of course there are many more reasons for the banal!) and from here, fear can keep us in our place - physically and creatively. fear imposed on us from the outside and from the inside.

your interest in the monster is linked to fear - but what is the focus of the fear?

fear of the ordinary, the hybrid, the deformed and unknown? and how does this relate to and provide opportunity for your practice?

laurene

1. I certainly fear the ordinary . . . I come from a small town white trash working class family, and much of my life has been about trying to escape that. Although at the same time I've often been repelled by so-called 'success stories'? I know I'm not special in this respect, I have many friends who, I guess, are the same. But, back to your point . . . I actually find it interesting because I kind of want to say I'm also drawn to the ordinary!? I think this is why I became a graphic designer when many of friends became artists? Can you be drawn to something you fear? Yeah I reckon you can . . . hence the popularity of horror.

2. I think I 'd put the unknown is in the same bag. I definitely fear it . . . but am drawn to it at the same time. Again I imagine this is quite common . . . people travelling to dangerous but exotic locations for instance. I think I'd like to consider that ó the way we can be simultaneously enticed and repelled by fear.

3. Hybridity and Deformation . . . I think in terms of my topic these terms are in a different category to the Ordinary, the Unknown, or Failure. I'm thinking that Hybridity and Deformation are more to do with the artefact, and the Ordinary, the Unknown, and Failure are more about either process, or the way we contextualise the artefact . . . possibily through fear. Does this make sense?

4. I'd like to keep the fear of failure in here, as I've been thinking this evening that the monster might be Failure transformed into some kind of beneficial response or realisation?

. . . "How does this relate to and provide opportunity for your practice?". . .

I'm gonna have a stab at this!

I guess, in terms of what I mentioned above, fear can either prompt us into action, into investigation (travel), or freeze us in a state of inaction (not leaving home) or habit. In this sense fear can be either negative or positive. Obviously through my eg. above I've made it appear negative, but fear can be positive too in terms of stopping us from doing 'stupid' things. I guess, through the figure of the monster, I want to investigate the positive effects fear might be able to have on my own practice?

In this sense might a fear of the ordinary 'entice'. . . ; learning, innovation, "self improvement", the evolution of one's practice?

And how might a fear of the unknown be manipulated into a strategy for experimentation and exploration that will lead to more unexpected (and, hence, engaging) outcomes?

. . . a possible research question . . .

Can the practitioner engage fear or anxiety as some kind generative strategy, through which to evolve their practice in new and unexpected ways?

. . . in this sense I'm wanting to try to push myself into doing things that make me anxious . . .

like web design/coding! I know that sounds dumb, but it's actually very true. I've always avoided it, given good job offers away even!

Writing?

Recording the band?

Playing solo!? . . . that totally freaks me out. Actually I think that might be one of those situations where fear is your friend ó stopping you from doing stupid things?

. . . my mind keeps wandering from design. Why's that?

That's why I'm here I think. I had become very bored of design . . . I think I thought doing postgrad research would make it interesting again . . . and it has . . . but why do I keep thinking about anything BUT design?

Sorry I'm really rambling now . . . best knock this on the head for tonight I think.

Hi Luke,
thought I should drop in - give myself a break from talking about myself too much... this research journey we're on is a lot to do with revealing layers underneath us as people. I quite like this cathartic process, but at the same time, it gets a bit too much...!

I also can't help but notice the torment you're going through. Let me explain. By critiquing yourself, you're also punishing yourself for not being better at it, it seems. I get this impression that there seems to be an expectation you're placing upon yourself, and I wonder where this is coming from. There's a strong tone within your posts (and refreshing honesty too) that seems very harsh, and I'm wondering whether you need to be so critical of yourself. This may come across like a very patronising thing, so sorry if you took it that way, but I'm trying to figure out if there's a way to side-step this cycle before you punish yourself to the ground, and therefore, not actually valuing the things that you're doing that are really good.

Okay, I'm going to be diving in deep here. When you say using fear as a designing agent, it also means you're going to describe what fear is. Understand it. I often think fear is an irrational concept ie fear of heights, fear of spiders. If we understood those fears rationally, it ceases to be fearsome because fear is an emotional response. So, could fear really be used as a strategy?

To me, fear of failure is nothing new, especially for artists. I would also go as far to say that it is this fear that drive good work. So this to me implies that fear is a given to being creative. Fear is already being used as a strategy, unknowingly, almost.

It seems to me that you're touching on strategies in conquering fear, rather than using fear as a strategy. So, if one of the fears you have as a design practitioner is that you tend to make 'safe' work, how does one attempt to change that using a strategy? I also think it's important to recognise that you can't pick a strategy out of thin air. The research is about discovering the knowledge through doing.

So, Luke, it seems that doing the National Grid is just the ticket to get yourself out of this turmoil! It may help if you try to immerse yourself into it, but also stand alongside yourself to observe the process too. And through the experience of doing, and observing the discoveries, you might perhaps start to begin describing some of the strategies in conquering your fears...

One book I thought could be good for you to read, whilst on the subject of 'fear' is, 'Art and Fear' by David Bayles and Ted Orland. I read it a long time ago when I was doing undergrad, but it's interesting about how artists confront their fears.
y

Thanks Yoko.

I don't know how to begin to answer this! I am thinking though that 'fear' is the wrong thing? I think monstrosity can be interesting and productive beyond/aside from fear? I don't know how, but maybe I'll think about this next week.

I'll come back and re-read your comment when I'm in a better frame of mind . . . I've had students sucking the life-blood out of me all day long!!!