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September 07, 2005
31. Crisis. Writing . . . ?
Today is my 31st birthday. I think it's related that I've been quite stressed out over the last couple of weeks? Where the hell has my life gone? What am doing etc? I don't want to bore anyone with the details of my petty anxiety though. What I wanted to talk about here was what I thought about last night . . . I totally freaked out about my research topic. It all of a sudden seemed so shallow, self indulgent, and 'formal' (in the respect that it is essentially about aesthetics) (I think!?). I tried to convince myself that it was bigger than I realised, multifaceted perhaps . . . I tried to visualise it, seeing the monster metaphor as the centre of a bigger research question. I drew it . . .
I felt much happier having drawn this, and I came home from the office feeling a little better. Tim cooked a roast.
Lying in bed ó having eaten too much too late ó I couldn't sleep. I thought about a whole lot of stuff, mainly about getting older and seeing my peers owning houses, having kids, etc . . . but then (and I'm not sure how this relates exactly, but I'm sure it does) I got back to thinking about my research topic (my own investment in a future perhaps)!
I'm trying to recall the connections . . . I remember I talked to Aaron about his essay yesterday. He's not enjoying writing it, and said he can't wait till next year when he'll only have to 'make work' (that's how Masters works at Canterbury). I said how I'd liked writing, and actually not made much work yet for my own Masters. Malcolm's criticised me for this too . . . always reading and writing and not 'working'.
Lying awake in bed I remembered Laurene catching a glimpse of my workbook last time I was in Melbourne. She mentioned that it was interesting that it was full of writing, that there were no sketches, drawings, or whatever, and I started thinking about the amount of writing I've done since the beginning of last year. I've never really written much before, but last year early on into my research I wrote what was supposed to be a book review that turned into an article on 'appropriation', my topic at the time. Since then I seem to have written a lot . . . other articles, seminars, manifestoes, notes in my workbook, and of course this blog. So it occured too me that this was potentially an interesting thread in my research, Writing?
I don't think I'm necessarily 'good' at it, but I don't think that's important. Why does it bug other people, and reciprocally me, that I'm writing MORE than I am 'designing'? Why am I enjoying writing? Why don't more designers write? Is it because, supposedly, we don't read? My own writing has certainly come with a huge increase in my reading.
I started thinking about The National Grid. Whatever we might say about it, it is, fundamentally a project for writing. I thought about how it was really easy to engage people (designers) initially with the project, ie. everyone thinks it's a great idea. But then how hard it's been to actually get people to contribute? Even in a brief and non-commital way ó through the blog.
So what I'm really wondering here is . . . a change in topic!? Am I crazy? Is this just a pathetic mid-life crisis. It doesn't feel 'wrong' though, in that it doesn't feel like a HUGE change . . . just a different focus on what I've already been doing. And isn't that what good practitioner research is?
The last thing I want to say about it all is this; I feel like the Monster Metaphor topic can only go so far, or reach a certain level. I feel like I can see where it's going. The Writing/Design topic, I think, has a lot more potential to 'go further' (what do I mean by that?), and maybe it's more in sync with the direction my practice/life is heading. Maybe it's a Doctorate though . . . I need to remember that this is 'just a Masters'.
If you've read this far, I'm sorry. But it is my birthday.
Posted by Luke Wood at September 7, 2005 11:58 AM
Comments
Hi there,
It seems to me the writing/design topic is a very interesting one, also in regard to designers as artists that ought to vocalise their beliefs (otherwise art critics will do it for them and what comes out of there is often not so impressive). But I believe this is a much bigger subject than what you think and definitely doctorate material. As for the monsters... if you see where you're going isn't it a good sign? After all aren't you suppose to get finished soon? Research is not just sorting out the mess it is also finalising (I use to have trouble with that). I'm amused because just when you start thinking about actually making monsters, you start sidetracking... :-) . Anyway, aren't you suppose to take a day off for your birthday old man?
Posted by: E. at September 7, 2005 12:48 PM